Happy October??

Happy 2026 friends! It's been a long one hasn't it?

I wish I could tell you I'm logging onto this brand new website that I've spent hours on to update you with some crazy cool story about my life, but I'm not.

This year has challenged me more than I'd like to admit. It hasn't been bad, just hard. I've learned more life lessons that I didn't sign up for. Many of the usual stories I may have told in the past now mention and talk about people I no longer know and have no motivation to talk about.

I've been out of mainstream society since August and am still not healed enough to consider re-entering the society I left 3 months ago. It's a long story, one I do plan on talking about, just not here.

Read on to see a whole shelf of my random thoughts and questions. I promise a more put together article is coming, just thought I'd let you see the behind the scenes of how my articles become articles.

This update almost seems silly and unnecessary but I haven't opened this tab on my computer in so long I almost forgot what it feels like to put my thoughts and feelings into words on a page that others can read.

I thought my life would look so different right now, and maybe that's why I'm here learning these lessons at this time. I got so comfortable in the bubble I was living I never tried to expand it. I love my friends and family, I went back to a job I thought I loved and learned that yearning was where I was stuck and didn't know how to move past it.

I'm learning that now, that to sit and settle will never work, in friendship, in relationships, where you live, what you know and what job you have. To be honest I forgot to dream past tomorrow and just expected where I was to be where I'd be for a very long time.

I think the season of singleness in every sense of my life has taught me more than if I had everything I could ever think about.

I think society demands things to be done right now in our way and I think it's damaged most of us more than we really realize. There's a rush for everything: money, love, growing up, promotions, living, breathing. But what happens when we are forced to wait for something we really want?

Do we even have the coping skills to understand not right now doesn't mean not ever, but just later? That whatever it is, is indeed coming just not when we want it.

I mean look at even our packages, most of us get them in less than 2-3 days and when you see a "shipping takes 7-10 days" you groan and some people complain. I mean where is the patience.

I've been trying to learn how to be patient on things that are out of my control. I clearly have no choice, but not being able to move my hand, then not being able to bend my fingers, then not being able to do simple things I could do 6 months again has shown me that pressure and want doesn't always mean it'll happen.

Just some random thoughts for you. If you thought that my writing proccess was crazy and I knew what I was doing, I'm sorry.

Many of my articles have been written off of a feeling I had in the moment, and many of them haven't even been edited. It's done on purpose. I want to be the most authentic version of myself (with protection of course). My brain runs 200mph, and sometimes the same thought repeats until I get it out onto something solid and can see the words staring back at me.

I do sit down sometimes and write a real thing, a real story and actually explain the whole situation, but to be honest at least 75% of the things written and posted started in my notes app, was written in my notes app, and copied and pasted onto my website. I'm sorry if that's disappointing, but I try to never be fake and writing is something I've been doing since I was little, it's never been a professional thing, and I don't think I would ever want it to be either.

Anyway, love and miss you all, I'll see you soon

Tori <3